i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
