The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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