His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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