What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
