Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
