peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
