people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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