I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
