Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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