Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
