Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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