Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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