I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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