I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
