Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
