I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
