Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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