you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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