I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
