i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
