If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
