I'm jealous of your bromance
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
