6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
