I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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