Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
