So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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