oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
