All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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