She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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