I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
