I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize