Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
