So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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