they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
