so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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