My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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