i just had sex bonerless
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He shit in the fireplace
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
