His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize