The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
