This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
