how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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