Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
