she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
