So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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