Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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