remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
