there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
