WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
