She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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