Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ttyl tear gas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
