you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
