i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
