hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just forgot I was standing up.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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