This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
