So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
