it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
