dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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