yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
