**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
