Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
