Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
