I wannas sexs uuuuu
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
