Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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