where am i from again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
