before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
