Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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