Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
