I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
