If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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