i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
