what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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