Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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