there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
