My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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