my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
