and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
