HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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