Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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