and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
