I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone came in the potted fern
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
