Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need water and some morals
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
