i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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